"What do you want?" That question floats around quite a bit this time of year. Many people will be searching for gifts to give to friends and relatives this month. "What do you want for Christmas?" some may ask. Others are looking for Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Winter Solstice gifts. There are birthdays and various sorts of anniversaries. My friends do a gift exchange at our traditional holiday/New Year's party. "What do you want?"

In the middle of November, I took part in a day-long workshop run by Dave Ellis, a bestselling author, workshop leader, and life coach. He did it as part of his book tour for his new book, Creating Your Future: 5 Steps to the Life of Your Dreams. As he put it, when the waiter in the restaurant asks you, "What would you like?" you don't answer, "Dinner." You're specific. You know what you want, and you express it, and you usually get it. He points out that most people don't have a very clear idea of what they want out of life, however, so they can't express it, that's what they get--life. Not the life that they want, but just "life."

He took the group through many exercises designed to help us answer questions about the future--what do you want? We wrote down what we wanted. We wrote down what we'd spend the lottery on if we won it. We wrote down what we'd do if someone gave us a staff of 100 to employ as we wished. We wrote down what we were ashamed of wanting. We wrote down things we feared and things we were jealous of--turned around to be things we wanted. Jealous of your friends' new house overlooking the lake? Put down "I want a house overlooking a lake." Afraid of failure? Write "I want to learn to take failure in stride" or "I want to learn from every failure" or "I want to try harder to overcome obstacles."

After spending most of our time coming up with new things we wanted, we constructed ways to get there. We thought about who might be able to help us achieve these goals. We decided when we'd like to see them completed (even long after we're dead...might as well think big, right? Martin Luther King, Jr. never saw his dreams fulfilled, nor did the women who began the women's suffrage movement. But they had big dreams for the future, and their vision inspired others to work on those dreams even after their deaths.) The importance of other people is clear in these big examples, but can be just as important for the small desires and goals.

So what do you want? Well, according to the emails I've received asking just that question, the readers of Reasonably Simple have some desires and goals that other readers could probably help with. Call it Barter 201. As I was looking at one list, a friend saw one of the things and said, "Hey, that sounds like something I'd like to do." Does anyone care to help out someone who needs a little extra free time? Someone who wants help doing some finishing work around the house (staining beams, putting in runner boards, laying tile)? Another person wants a hide-a-bed couch, and one wants a big model train. One reader expressed a desire to find a way to be of value to people who need it, in a way that would allow for bad knees and extensive babysitting duties. Does someone out there want more volunteers for work that can be done out of the home? Can you be a freelance Santa? One person wanted to meet Santa.

One reader sent a list that runs the gambit from the fairly easy and inexpensive to the global: for Congress to censure Clinton and move on; a 16-meg video card; a house built entirely out of hemp byproducts; a hydrogen-powered car; a puppy; and peace. Another list I received: a garage cleaning, including cobwebs; a red Mercedes sports car; a robotic vacuum cleaner; sunshine; a new or repaired showerhead in the bathroom; scuffy house slippers (medium size); and chocolate. Now, I don't expect everyone to run out and buy a sports car or make sunshine. But finding a puppy, donating to groups promoting peace, or offering to clean a garage or fix a showerhead don't seem particularly extravagant or unrealistic.

Advertisers say that this is the season for giving and, therefore, you should buy stuff in order to give it. I say it's always the season for giving, and that you should create your own clear vision of the future, and help other people achieve theirs. Give gifts of time to help people get what they want. Another example--one of my wants is to create a barter community, to give people another easy option when looking for stuff and services. A gift of a new subscriber (or five, or twenty) to Reasonably Simple would cost nothing, but it would help my future vision come true.

When you ask "What do you want?" try to find out what they really want. It may take a little prodding, but often behind the doodads and gazingus pins that people usually say they want, I bet you'll find most people want some pretty regular, inexpensive, good-for-the-environment, easy-to-achieve things. When someone asks you, give them a real answer. "I want to take a massage class and I want someone to help me finish my home inventory." Keep track of what you want. Reasonably simple ones (pun intended) can be posted in Free Market and maybe someone will help you out.

What do you want?

michaelc@ardeacoaching.com

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